Is There a Wrong Way to Rub Me?

'It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.'  ~Henry Louis Mencken, A Little Book in C Major, 1916

The Space Between
Our wicked lies
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain

Dave Matthews Band

Question.....Is honesty the best policy? Is it better to lie in some situations? Why can telling someone the hard, cold truth sometime....often times.....rub them the wrong way?

The answers I think must be derived on a case by case basis. Here's the way I look at it. I have two very good friends who for all intents and purposes tell you the truth. They don't seem to care if it is going to hurt any one's feelings, or come across as mean. Frankly I find this to be very refreshing. You always know where you stand with them. You know for a fact that when your with them, there is no way your zipper is down or there's food in your teeth. They would have told you by now. Bad haircut...they will let you know. Does my butt look fat in these jeans? Butt of course. You never have to wonder if you look like or are acting like an idiot, because they will tell you up front and right to you face. 'Yes, Steve, you are being an idiot, so knock it off, and while your at it zip up your pants, wipe the snot off your nose, and get that green thing out of your teeth.'

Some people may get annoyed by such honesty, but I find it so refreshing. I really like hanging out with these two friends. Up front, straight forward, and no wishy washy, spare my feelings crap that you might usually get in social situations. So the question is, 'Is honesty always the best policy?' Things are probably not this black and white, but suppose they were. Would you have a different set of friends if they told you exactly what they thought all the time? Would you be irritated and frustrated all the time but such disregard for one's feelings. I don't think so. I think it is so much easier to better oneself when we know what are faults may be. Don't get me wrong, my friends are not honest in a mean way. They just tell you the truth. All the time. They like me for who I am with all my faults and I feel the same about them. We know exactly where we stand with each other. For better or worse.

Trying to tell the truth all the time gets a little more difficult when you get serious about it. Do you tell your boss when you screwed up? That might work once in a while, but I think keeping it to yourself may have better consequences in the long term. Are things left unsaid lies in themselves? Is the act of omission a failure to be completely honest or is it just sparing someone the details that they don't need to know about? Should you keep the truth from someone when there is no way that it would benefit them in any way? What if the truth would only hurt them?

These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
Like 'Will it rain today?'
Waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted games we're playing

We're strange allies
With warring hearts
What wild-eyed beast you be
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain

I think honesty is the best policy, but I also think we need to be careful not to alienate and rub people the wrong way. There is a right and wrong way to tell the truth. Telling wicked lies to keep someone safe from pain will only come back to haunt you. Telling the hard cold truth is much like walking on thin ice. (Also hard and cold) One must tread lightly. Carefully. But wouldn't you rather know the truth so you can deal with whatever it is instead of being in the dark? What if your doctor wanted to spare your feelings? Delay treatment because they didn't want to tell you how bad it really was. Not a good plan. Life is much the same. Filled with painful truths that we must confront and act on.

Let me know your feelings loyal readers. I am curious. I tried to find a conclusion to the blog so I could wrap it up and move on, but I couldn't seem to come up with a hook, so it has sat for a long time. Sorry.......


I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won t.
Mark Twain